the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
