No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
