I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
