Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
