Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
