i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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