Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
