I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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