He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
