i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
