She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
