Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
