I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
