i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
