No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
