Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
