Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
