You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
