but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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