So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
