??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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