WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
