i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
