am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
