I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
