The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
