Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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