I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
