That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
