i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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