The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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