dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
