____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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