is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
