I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
