That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
