I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
