I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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