Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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