So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
