I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
