someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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