but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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