And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
