I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
