Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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