is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
