i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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