I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
