tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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