so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
