i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
